Love Muppets
by Sobriety
Summary: Angel has a fanlisting. Guess who's on it? Slash-laden.


**Disclaimer: **The shows Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and whole bunch of other people who are not me. No infringement of copyright is intended. I don't own the 'Muppets' either, and I apologise to everyone at Henson Productions for sullying their name with this bit of silliness.

**Spoilers:** Up to the end of season 2 of Angel, of season 5 for Buffy.

**Summary:** How a hundred year curse came to an end, and everyone had a jolly good time because of it. Response to Ragna's 'She of the Weird 20th Member Challenge'

**Rating:** R (MPAA) – m/m/m/m/f/f concepts

* * *

"My fingers slipped." The words were defensive, sullen.

"Sure, Spike." Cordelia smirked, "And they typed ' www . swirlycoat . net' in the process? They'd have to slip about twenty times to do that."

"Twenty-one, actually." Wesley offered absently. The other two ignored him.

"They only slipped once." The blonde vampire tapped the sheaf of computer printing in front of him. "I wanted to go to the 'Swirly Goat' site, ducks. Not the Great Poofini's fanlisting."

"Uh huh." Cordelia's smirk grew, "Swirly Goat. Sure."

"They were a bloody good punk band!" Spike protested, "I woulda said they was from before your time, pet, but with the way you're looking these days, I'm not so sure they were."

Cordelia scowled. The British vampire sensed he had made a mistake. This was no longer a bit of mild victimisation. This – to quote a certain rabbit – meant war.

"Okay, say we believe you went there by accident." The girl's tone made it quite clear she did not. "How do you explain the fact that you _joined_ the fanlisting?"

"My fingers sli-" Spike suddenly thought better of re-using the same excuse. "I clicked on the wrong button. By accident."

"Spike, there's a twenty-four question survey to be filled out before you can join." Wesley coloured as the other two turned amused gazes on him, "Yes, I joined, alright? Angel does a great job. He deserves recognition."

"Sure." Cordelia grinned, "And it has nothing to do with the fact that you're as hot for his undead ass as Junior here is."

This observation was rewarded with Dolby surround sound British-sputtering, much to Cordelia's satisfaction. She still had what it took.

"I am not hot for Angel!" Spike managed at last, having almost swallowed his cigarette.

"Question six." Cordelia intoned, "Angel looks best in: a) black, b) black, c) chains, d) nothing at all. You chose 'D'. Care to comment?"

Spike did. At length. Were it not for the fact that his cigarette smoke had already done it, his words would have turned the air blue.

Wesley snickered. This was a mistake.

"As for you, Wes." Cordelia tapped the page, "Or should I say 'ShyGuy69'? _You_ answered 'C'. I never knew kink was your thing."

Wesley did his best impression of a tomato.

"Oh, priceless." Spike snorted, getting another cigarette. "Revenge of the Tweed has a thing for leather." He paused, "What I want to know, pet, is how you found us out?"

"Please," Cordelia waved her hand, "Like it was hard. I just hacked into the site and traced your IP addresses. You were member 3, Spike. And Wes was number 14."

"You're member three?" Wesley goggled at Spike, "You're 'Celinemustdie'?"

"Yeah. So what? I hate the bitch."

"I quite agree -" Wesley paused, "But, you mean to say you're the one who signed the guest book with 'Angel, I want to be your love muppet'?"

Cordelia broke into tears of laughter as the vampire glowered at the two humans.

"Oh, this is just _too_ funny." She wiped her eyes, still laughing.

"I'm glad you find it so amusing, Ducks." Spike snorted sourly. "I just have one question: what were _you_ doing at the fanlisting in the first place?"

Silence.

"Cordelia?" Wesley sensed blood. "I'm as interested as Spike is to hear your response."

The girl bit her lip, sighed, then slumped into her chair.

"I'm member number 20, alright?"

Spike smirked as Wesley picked up a print-out of the fanlisting page and scanned through it.

"You used 'Queen C' as a screen name? Cordelia, what were you thinking?" Wesley gesticulated, "Angel is sure to realise it was you."

"Sure, if he had the faintest idea the site existed." Cordy shrugged, "But you know how computer illiterate he is."

"Soulboy didn't create the site?" Spike looked surprised, "I figured he'd be the only one who would. Did you find out who it was?"

"No." Cordelia admitted. "I couldn't trace the IP, and the screen name didn't give me any help. I tried all the associations I could think of. No luck. I even checked to make sure it wasn't Tom Selleck, since he's gay and all."

"Why would it be Tom Selleck?" Spike asked. Wesley merely got a far away look in his eyes.

"The screen-name was 'Magnum'." Cordelia raked her fingers through her hair. "I tried links on the old TV show Selleck was in, links on champagne … nothing."

"Perhaps it was Fred?" Wesley offered. "We all know she has a real 'thing' for Angel."

Cordy shook her head,

"Fred's member 17. How do you think I found out about this site in the first place?"

"Where is the weird little brat?" Spike asked, "I haven't seen her since just after I first got 'ere."

"She went into her room just after we finished telling her all about how you've helped out in Sunnydale since Buffy died." Wesley frowned, "I'm not sure why."

"It adds up!" the subject of the conversation was suddenly the centre of attention as she came barrelling into the room, waving a scrap of paper in the air.

"You balanced your cheque book? Remind me to be impressed later, pet." Spike snorted. Fred ignored him.

"It adds up!" she repeated, her shining eyes fixed on Cordelia and Wesley, "If Spike can become good because of love, then any vampire can. All it needs is for variable 'K' - that's love - to be high enough. Angel doesn't have to be alone!"

"You want to let Angel get a happy?" Cordelia looked aghast, "I've met Angelus, and there isn't anyone who could give him that much love. Not even Buffy."

"Not any _one_." Fred answered triumphantly. "But two - or three, to make sure - that would be enough!"

Silence. It was becoming a habit.

"Is she suggesting what I think she's suggesting?" Wesley asked at last.

"That depends," Cordelia answered faintly, "do you think she is suggesting an all-in four way orgy with Angel? Because I think she is."

Fred nodded happily.

"That'd be five way, ducks." Spike shrugged at their incredulous stares, "Can't 'urt to have too much lovin', can it?"

"We're just all going to become Angel's sex slaves?" Wesley looked shocked, but not exactly unhappy.

"Not sex slaves, Wes." Gunn appeared suddenly in the doorway, a big grin on his face, "We'd be Love Muppets, as Spike put it."

"Of course!" Wesley exclaimed, "Magnum! As in Magnum 45!"

"The most powerful hand _gun_ in the world." The young black man shook his head, "Took you long enough, English."

Wes didn't bother to reply - he was too busy joining the stampede upstairs.

After all, this particular Muppet Show had a damnably sexy vampire as permanent 'Guest Star'.


End file.
